First of all, I would like to apologise for March being a very poor blogging month. I have been, as always, inundated with work. I am merely weeks away from the biggest exams of my life so far, so teachers are being extra cruel. But Easter holiday starts next Thursday, which means I get three weeks off! Although, you can hardly count it as a holiday when all I will be doing is munching on leftover easter eggs and frantically revising. It's also been a busy, sociable month for your good ole' blogger here. Friends have reappeared out of nowhere, and it's been really lovely.
But that's not what I wanted to tell you all about today.
I have never been a 'girly girl.' In fact, I consider myself to have more of a male brain at times than a female one. That doesn't mean that I am not feminine; I love dresses, and tea, and frills, and sophistication. I am pretty much the epitome of feminine. However, the way I process things is very strong. What I am trying to get at is that I have never been one to have a mind completely focused on make-up, boys, clothes, shoes, et cetera, et cetera. So, one would guess that I have never put much thought in to my wedding, too.
That's where everyone is wrong.
My future wedding is a day I have been dreaming about for many years; since I can remember. I have always been infatuated with the fairytale concept of getting married. When I was little, I would always make my teddies and dolls marry each other, just so I could plan out the wedding. I would daydream about how each Disney Princess would have a different wedding, and how I would plan them. For example, I would make Snow White wear a white dress with big, puffy sleeves, but Sleeping Beauty would have a sleek, off-the-shoulder, almost toga-style wedding dress. I guess you can tell that I was destined to write fiction... The whole idea of marriage was something that always excited my imagination.
I am not very fussy, and I never really have been. So, with my wedding, I don't think I will be that fussy over the colour of the icing of my cake matching the ornate canopy lighting of the dining hall, where I shall lead my procession of people using a flock of 23 six-month-old doves... Okay, I'm not doing that. But I don't think I will be all that fussed. (I bet I am going to laugh so much when engaged me looks back on this...)
The only thing that I have my mind set on is the wedding dress. I have been mentally designing my wedding dress for about three years, and finally I have set on something that I love but doesn't exist yet. It's hard to describe. I would love it to be almost like a Victorian gown, how they had the collars fastened at the neck? But with no sleeves, and the material would be lace over my chest. The rest would be tight, and it will flow down the the floor. (Note how I said 'will be.' Because it will.) It sounds a lot less appealing in writing than in my head.
However, if I had my dress, time and place wont matter. I wouldn't matter if I got married in the middle of an orchard in the pouring rain, or in the desert. I would love to get married on a beach, just my husband and I. Having learnt from personal experience, families always carry baggage. No matter what, at a wedding, most of the time, there will always be some family conflict. I would love to just eradicate that. As much as I would love to have my mother there, and my sister, and my best friends, I would hate to have my wedding day ruined because I am so worried about which member of the family will knock down the cake in to my lap first...
I don't know what the future holds. I don't know who my husband will be, let alone if I even get the chance to have a wedding. All I know, is that, if I am so lucky, my wedding day is going to be a lovely, surreal day, filled with only love.
If I had it my way, my wedding would be on a beach in late June, near sunset. I will have my dress, and have candles lighting up the isle. My husband I will be facing the sea, and the smell of salt will fill our nostrils and relax us as we promise eternal love through writing our own vows. He'll give me the ring, and I will feel tingly inside. We will dance underneath the setting sun, and I will make sure to take a picture of it and put it up on the Internet. We will have a slice of ice-cream cake because, lets be honest, I hate wedding cake. And then we will nestle in to what I can only dream is forever.
I do have one image stuck in my head of how I would love a portion of the day to go, and that is the dance. With the sand in my toes, and the sea-salt crisping my hair in to a slight wave, I would love to hold my husband close and dance to the song 'Fall' - Ed Sheeran.
This is one of my favourite songs of all time, purely because the lyrics are so simple but convey so much meaning. When I listen to this song, all it takes is for me to close my eyes, and I can feel my head against the chest of my future husband. I can almost feel the buttons of his shirt rub against my cheek with every sway. I can feel a tingling in my fingers that spreads through my whole body. I can only hope that I am so lucky to be able to share this song with the one I love.
Another thing that I have always wanted is that never-ending love. I am a romantic, through and through, and I do believe that my prince charming is out there to sweet me off my feet and call me beautiful. I need a person who is going to make me laugh, and never run out of fun things to say to me. I don't necessarily need someone to be super intellectual, but I love knowledge and I hope I am not arrogant in saying that I need someone on the same level as me. I like to engage in thought-provoking conversation, and read big novels, and watch psychological films.
I also need someone who will go out of their way to make me happy, as I will for them. I am a people-pleaser, and I get such enjoyment through making people happy. However, it is rather rare that someone goes out of their way to make me happy. I usually generate my happiness through things that happen around me, not through direct person-to-person contact.
Also, it would be lovely to have a nice engagement. To have someone really profess their love for you in an intimate way. Or a funny way! I am completely open. I can't plan how I want my engagement to go, because I don't know who will be proposing to me! All I know is that I want it to be personal. This cold be through putting the ring inside a Pokeball, or simply by blurting out the question in a fit of insanity. All I want is for the person to really, honestly and truly want to be with me. That's enough.
I guess I am just a soppy romantic... How about you girlies? Have you been dreaming of your wedding, too? What about you, boys?
I love you all so much,